Online counselling. Counselling to improve feelings. Challenging & difficult people – Ivana Straska
Challenging & difficult people

Challenging & difficult people

How to cope with challenging and difficult people?

Emotional_VampiresChallenging and difficult people are all around. They could be lurking in your family and work or you might share your bed with one of them. We can call them emotional vampires because they are emotionally demanding; they drain your joy, make you tired or manipulate you to do what they want. 

You might believe something is wrong with you because according to them nothing is wrong with them. You are the problem. The world and people around them are not okay. They are difficult people and whatever you do or say seems not alright or enough. You try your best, different ways, do new things but you are never right.

Emotional vampires are “always winning people’”; they might be very social, popular, successful, acknowledged or contrary victims, drama queens or people stuck in “poor me concept”. They have traits of antisocial personality which troubles people around them. They are difficult and challenging. They don’t compromise and don’t understand others.

Sometimes they seem on the same board with you; other times you can’t relate to their behavior or words. You don’t understand them no matter how much you try. You can’t because they can’t relate to your feelings as they lack empathy and don’t see your points of view. They might use you for their purposes and do only what serves them and that’s what makes you empty, drained and puzzled.

Don’t be angry you let emotional vampires win rather learn how to deal with them because they don’t leave your life. They might be people you care about, your friends, brothers, sisters, children and coworkers. You can know how to deal with difficult and challenging people and practice the  techniques to protect yourself from self-blame, guilt, anger, sadness and grief.

How do you deal with emotional vampires, challenging and difficult people who drain you? You have to use willpower, conscious focus and action. To protect yourself from emotional vampires you think and act contrary to what they expect. You need additional effort to maintain your integrity and follow your rules. You have a choice not  to fall in their games otherwise you play what they orchestrate. Difficult people may be worth them or not, and it is only you who decides if you do what they want you to do.

10 rules to deal with difficult & challenging people:
Rule # 1. Know them, know their history and know your goals.
Rule # 2. Detach yourself from their story.
Rule # 3. Pay attention to their actions not to their words.
Rule # 4. Stick to your goals. Don’t do what they want you to do unless it’s your goal. Don’t meet their expectations only because they want it.
Rule # 5. Worry about yourself not about them.
Rule # 6. Be consistent.
Rule # 7. Be aware of their hypnotic strategies.
Rule # 8. Choose your words carefully. Always think what consequences your words will bring to you.
Rule # 9. Ignore their tantrums & dramas.
Rule # 10. Set the boundaries for self-protection.

Set and stick to boundaries that you are comfortable with. They will help you create your mental strength and resistance. Protect yourself with an “imaginable bubble” around your personal space; the bubble represents these boundaries. It’s your mental shield of self-protection. Be always aware and selective what you take from them.

Emotional vampires want you to take their side and that’s when you can lose it. Don’t do it. Don’t try to be their therapist. Follow through your own values and be assertive. Think in long-term effects. Dealing with issues right at the moment with extra effort will prevent your future troubles. You will be spared of self-blame and anger that you let difficult and challenging people win.

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